Child of the Air (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
child_of_the_air) wrote2017-07-09 01:36 pm
child_of_the_air) wrote2017-07-09 01:36 pm
(no subject)
This article by Lydia X. Z. Brown was really worth reading, but I can't help coming back to one minor point they make: "I was painfully slow on the uptake when figuring out that people I thought were nice to me or were my friends were actually treating me like shit."
That sounds disturbingly like my experience of early childhood "friendships." I had one really close "best friend," but most of the "friends" I made at school turned out to be bullies pretending to be my friends, and after first or second grade, I just stopped trying to make any new friends. By middle school, I got offended when someone claimed to be my friend, because "Only popular people have friends, and popular people are bullies."
I wonder if that played a role in my developing the level of paranoia that I seem to have had fairly early on. My therapist recently suggested that I may have paranoid personality disorder, and I certainly have a long history of paranoid thoughts (sometimes delusions) and of not being able to trust people. And this might well be the origin of that.
That sounds disturbingly like my experience of early childhood "friendships." I had one really close "best friend," but most of the "friends" I made at school turned out to be bullies pretending to be my friends, and after first or second grade, I just stopped trying to make any new friends. By middle school, I got offended when someone claimed to be my friend, because "Only popular people have friends, and popular people are bullies."
I wonder if that played a role in my developing the level of paranoia that I seem to have had fairly early on. My therapist recently suggested that I may have paranoid personality disorder, and I certainly have a long history of paranoid thoughts (sometimes delusions) and of not being able to trust people. And this might well be the origin of that.