A long time coming...

[child_of_the_air]

This afternoon, Jan--my girlfriend of about two years, and the first person I ever dated--broke up with me.  The specific details that precipitated it are a bit incoherent, and not really important, though I feel like the fact it happened on a 66 bus is somehow notable.  It was a long time coming, and I think we'd both come to realize that our relationship wasn't really healthy for either of us.  Our personalities clash a bit, we had conflicting triggers, and we weren't really physically compatible.  So, in the long term, I think this is for the best.

That said, I still ended up breaking down crying soon after it happened, and still feel kind of...flat?  Emotionally damped?  It's a little awkward that the break-up happened while I was still planning on staying with her for the three remaining nights of my visit to Boston.  She said I can still stay with her if I need to, but tonight I'm staying with some friends out in Waltham, because I felt I needed to get away from her.  I'm not sure what I'm doing on the nights of the 31st and 1st, but I will figure something out.

Anyway, it's probably telling that one of the things that stressed me out really badly was the realization that I'm not sure there's anyone in Boston I can stay with on future visits here.  I have a number of close friends and chosen family people who live here, but most of them don't have living situations where they can have me crash at their places.  I hope I can manage to continue to visit Boston regularly in the future but, whether or not I can, this at least seems to suggest that I'd already emotionally acknowledged that my and Jan's relationship was not going anywhere.

Jan and I are going to try to stay friends, and I think we can probably manage it on some level, though figuring out the details is going to be a bit tricky.  We're both quite new to this sort of thing and don't really know what we're doing.  For now, my goal is just to get through the logistics of the next couple of days.

Comments

[ambyr]

My sympathies. It’s always hard, even when it’s the right thing to do.

[child_of_the_air]

Thanks!

[ashnistrike]

I'm sorry. Breakups always suck, regardless of whether they make sense in the long term.

[child_of_the_air]

*nods* Thanks! I'm doing my best to weather it. And please feel to pass this on to others in the household...I'm impressed at how quickly you saw my DW post.

[ashnistrike]

Well, surgical recovery has meant a lot less writing and seneschal duty than usual, and a lot more scrolling through every social media account I have that will scroll. I'm *much* more caught up than usual!

I will pass the word onward.

[child_of_the_air]

Hah. I'm glad you're getting a chance to catch up, at least! Not being behind on social media is one way to reduce stress.

Good luck with the household of plague! I will try to send out postcards tomorrow, though we'll see if that actually happens: Wednesday may be more likely.

[alexseanchai]

*hugs?*

[child_of_the_air]

*Hugs.* Thanks. I appreciate it!

[rushthatspeaks]

I'm sorry. That sounds hard, and much sympathy.

Can't do much about the 31st and 1st, but in future, if we have enough warning to coordinate with Rax, you can totally stay at our place for Boston trips. (Though I realize that this may not be desirable, considering toddler.)

[child_of_the_air]

Thanks! And nods. Despite toddler, that could be quite useful, and I certainly appreciate the offer. It's good to know that there are possible places for me to stay on future trips, since I do want to be able to keep coming to Boston.

[duskpeterson]

My commiserations. I went through a major break-up a while back. The chances of us staying friends looked slim to nonexistent - it was "break-up with lawyers involved" - but time apart has helped a lot. It has given us space to see each other in a fresh light. We get along quite well now when we meet.

[child_of_the_air]

Thanks. And wow; I am glad that is going better now.

[duskpeterson]

Jeez, I just realized I hijacked your thread by talking about myself. What I should simply have said is: Maybe time apart will help you and Jan be friends?

[child_of_the_air]

I think we'll manage it!

[rye]

oof. that sounds extremely hard, even if you saw it coming, and I'm sorry. *offers hugs*

[child_of_the_air]

*hugs* Thanks!

[child_of_the_air]

Also, are you around to meet up in the next two days?

[rye]

Ah, sorry I missed this reply earlier but I also wasn't really around (was in town, but it was too hectic/busy) :( maybe next time!

[child_of_the_air]

No worries! I really need to visit Boston when it's not Christmas/New Year's somehow!

[pickleweasel]

Already sent you love and hugs but sending more since I'm already here. Best wishes with *everything*. Purr nuzzle!

[child_of_the_air]

*hugs and nuzzles*

You are a good kitty-friend and I love you!

[pickleweasel]

You are also a good kitty friend and I love you too! Purr hug!