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A long time coming...
Dec. 30th, 2018 10:12 pmThis afternoon, Jan--my girlfriend of about two years, and the first person I ever dated--broke up with me. The specific details that precipitated it are a bit incoherent, and not really important, though I feel like the fact it happened on a 66 bus is somehow notable. It was a long time coming, and I think we'd both come to realize that our relationship wasn't really healthy for either of us. Our personalities clash a bit, we had conflicting triggers, and we weren't really physically compatible. So, in the long term, I think this is for the best.
That said, I still ended up breaking down crying soon after it happened, and still feel kind of...flat? Emotionally damped? It's a little awkward that the break-up happened while I was still planning on staying with her for the three remaining nights of my visit to Boston. She said I can still stay with her if I need to, but tonight I'm staying with some friends out in Waltham, because I felt I needed to get away from her. I'm not sure what I'm doing on the nights of the 31st and 1st, but I will figure something out.
Anyway, it's probably telling that one of the things that stressed me out really badly was the realization that I'm not sure there's anyone in Boston I can stay with on future visits here. I have a number of close friends and chosen family people who live here, but most of them don't have living situations where they can have me crash at their places. I hope I can manage to continue to visit Boston regularly in the future but, whether or not I can, this at least seems to suggest that I'd already emotionally acknowledged that my and Jan's relationship was not going anywhere.
Jan and I are going to try to stay friends, and I think we can probably manage it on some level, though figuring out the details is going to be a bit tricky. We're both quite new to this sort of thing and don't really know what we're doing. For now, my goal is just to get through the logistics of the next couple of days.
That said, I still ended up breaking down crying soon after it happened, and still feel kind of...flat? Emotionally damped? It's a little awkward that the break-up happened while I was still planning on staying with her for the three remaining nights of my visit to Boston. She said I can still stay with her if I need to, but tonight I'm staying with some friends out in Waltham, because I felt I needed to get away from her. I'm not sure what I'm doing on the nights of the 31st and 1st, but I will figure something out.
Anyway, it's probably telling that one of the things that stressed me out really badly was the realization that I'm not sure there's anyone in Boston I can stay with on future visits here. I have a number of close friends and chosen family people who live here, but most of them don't have living situations where they can have me crash at their places. I hope I can manage to continue to visit Boston regularly in the future but, whether or not I can, this at least seems to suggest that I'd already emotionally acknowledged that my and Jan's relationship was not going anywhere.
Jan and I are going to try to stay friends, and I think we can probably manage it on some level, though figuring out the details is going to be a bit tricky. We're both quite new to this sort of thing and don't really know what we're doing. For now, my goal is just to get through the logistics of the next couple of days.
