Observation on Mental Health Meltdowns

[child_of_the_air]

I will explain more when I have the spoons; for now, I'm just writing this to have a record.  I don't actually have any idea what sort of meltdown this was: was it autism? a severe depressive episode? something else? some combination of things?  But the way I perceived it while I was hiding under my weighted blanket, thrashing and screaming about wanting to die--at least in those moments I could perceive anything other than pain--was that my mind was a small animal in a trap, very confused and in immense agony, flinging itself against the walls but not able to form thoughts large enough to do anything really dangerous because it couldn't plan ahead.

I am more stable now, though scared I will end up back there shortly. 

Comments

[alexseanchai]

what do you need right now?

[child_of_the_air]

Spoons and stability. But I don't know that anyone but the gods can give me those at the moment.

Trying to write up an explanation of the situation for all my worried friends. Will post it on here once it's done.

[alexseanchai]

Yeah, good point. But I can certainly light a candle and say a prayer to the God(s) of your choice.

♥

[child_of_the_air]

That would be deeply appreciated. Artemis would be my first thought, since I have a history of praying to her regarding mental health. Athena and Hestia are the two others with whom I have some form of meaningful-seeming connection.

Thank you.

[alexseanchai]

Can do!

[child_of_the_air]

Thank you so much. Posting extended explanation of the current situation now.

[alexseanchai]

(Thank you, btw, for prompting me to semiformal ritual. I wouldn't have if I didn't need to pray on your behalf, and I need[ed] it myself!)

[child_of_the_air]

Thank you. I need to manage actual ritual more. Though right now is not the right time to try, whether you want to attribute that to miasma or just lack of ability to think coherently.

(I'm curious what the liquid in the offering bowl is?)

[alexseanchai]

Blackberry wine

Yeah maybe don't ritual till you're equilibrium some and done cleansing :)

Also: https://kellianna.bandcamp.com/track/artemis-of-the-hunt ?

[child_of_the_air]

*nods* Makes sense.

At some point I have to figure out how to square my severe discomfort with alcoholic beverages with the fact that wine is such a traditional offering.

*listens*

[alexseanchai]

Oops. Sorry. Next time, if there is one, I pray for you, I'll remember to offer honey or milk or water or something.

[child_of_the_air]

No, sorry for being unclear. I have no problem with alcoholic beverages being offered on my behalf. I'm just not comfortable with being in their presence in general, which makes it hard for me to offer them myself.

[alexseanchai]

Oh gotcha.

Well it's hardly mandatory! It's also far from the only traditional offering. :)

[child_of_the_air]

True.

[child_of_the_air]

Also, that song is good. Thank you for sharing it. And for being so incredibly supportive right now, even though I know you're not doing great at the moment, either.

[child_of_the_air]

At least, for the moment, my brain is too worn out to thrash around and scream for a bit.

[wolby]

*distance hugs* I'm so sorry to hear you're not doing well right now, but me and lots of other people here appreciate and value your existence.

[child_of_the_air]

*hugs back* Thanks! I do appreciate it, even if certain parts of my brain don't want to listen. I seem to be doing better and to be being a bit more stable today, though. Hopefully I can manage a bit more functionality.