child_of_the_air | Observation on Mental Health Meltdowns

I will explain more when I have the spoons; for now, I'm just writing this to have a record. I don't actually have any idea what sort of meltdown this was: was it autism? a severe depressive episode? something else? some combination of things? But the way I perceived it while I was hiding under my weighted blanket, thrashing and screaming about wanting to die--at least in those moments I could perceive anything other than pain--was that my mind was a small animal in a trap, very confused and in immense agony, flinging itself against the walls but not able to form thoughts large enough to do anything really dangerous because it couldn't plan ahead.

I am more stable now, though scared I will end up back there shortly.