Observation on Mental Health Meltdowns

[child_of_the_air]

I will explain more when I have the spoons; for now, I'm just writing this to have a record.  I don't actually have any idea what sort of meltdown this was: was it autism? a severe depressive episode? something else? some combination of things?  But the way I perceived it while I was hiding under my weighted blanket, thrashing and screaming about wanting to die--at least in those moments I could perceive anything other than pain--was that my mind was a small animal in a trap, very confused and in immense agony, flinging itself against the walls but not able to form thoughts large enough to do anything really dangerous because it couldn't plan ahead.

I am more stable now, though scared I will end up back there shortly. 

Comments

[alexseanchai]

Blackberry wine

Yeah maybe don't ritual till you're equilibrium some and done cleansing :)

Also: https://kellianna.bandcamp.com/track/artemis-of-the-hunt ?

[child_of_the_air]

*nods* Makes sense.

At some point I have to figure out how to square my severe discomfort with alcoholic beverages with the fact that wine is such a traditional offering.

*listens*

[alexseanchai]

Oops. Sorry. Next time, if there is one, I pray for you, I'll remember to offer honey or milk or water or something.

[child_of_the_air]

No, sorry for being unclear. I have no problem with alcoholic beverages being offered on my behalf. I'm just not comfortable with being in their presence in general, which makes it hard for me to offer them myself.

[alexseanchai]

Oh gotcha.

Well it's hardly mandatory! It's also far from the only traditional offering. :)

[child_of_the_air]

True.

[child_of_the_air]

Also, that song is good. Thank you for sharing it. And for being so incredibly supportive right now, even though I know you're not doing great at the moment, either.